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Monday, 10 February 2014

An alternative look at 20 advertising slogans

Advertising slogans serve to push the company's products and services into the hearts and minds of their target customers just enough for them to open their wallets. Here's my personal take on 20 famous words of wisdom coined over the decades, and my attempt to decipher their actual meanings.

1. Apple - "Think different"

This is not a slogan, but a battle cry warning their competitors to think different in their business strategies if they don't wish to be sued left right centre by the 'fruit company'.

2. Aston Martin - “Power, beauty and soul”

Another one that masquerades as a slogan but is actually the criteria for any celebs worth their salt to apply to be the car manufacturer's spokesman for that multi-million endorsement deal.

3. Adidas - "Impossible is nothing"

4. EA Games - "Challenge Everything"

For the weekend warrior who attempted parkour for the first time and broke his leg, Pain is everything and you can Challenge everything except the laws of physics.

5. Blogger - "Push-button publishing"

Even for a rather tech-savvy newbie blogger like me, setting up a blog can be an infuriating exercise at times, which feels more like Push-your-luck publishing.

6. Harley Davidson - "American by birth. Rebel by Choice"

This only tells half the story with the full version being - American by birth, rebel by choice, assembled in India, stereotyped by Hollywood.

7. McDonald's - "I'm lovin it"

8. & 9. KFC - "Finger lickin' good" and "So good"

These are also the same phrases uttered by gyms and slimming centres which are having an excellent symbiotic relationship with the fast-food chains located next to them.

10. Visa - "Everywhere you want to be"

This is exactly how you will feel if you chalk up huge credit card debts and borrow from loan-sharks who will hound you wherever you are. You'd better be Everywhere you want to be, except your home.

11. Xbox - "Jump in"

12. Nike - "Just do it"

Living in the age of instant gratification, it is no surprise that people are committing more indiscretions on impulse and thus living their lives with regrets. Perhaps these two big brands can update their slogans to remind their customers to exercise more caution and common sense before doing anything foolish. Xbox could go with Jump in? (with a question mark), and Nike can simply change to Just don't.


13. Yellow Pages: "Let your fingers do the walking"

With wearable technology allowing the use of our other faculties to trawl for information online, the company should update the slogan to Let your fingers do the resting. That is, if the company is still around and not relegated into the yellowed pages of history.

14. De Beers - "A diamond is forever"

The slogan is true until you are heading for a divorce and needed to return the gems as stated in your prenuptial agreement. A diamond is forever, but a prenup lasts longer.

15. Subway - "Eat fresh"

For the carnivores amongst us, Meat fresh would sound more yummy.

16. Lego - "Play on"

More like Pay on for the doting parents snapping up whatever the brick company built on for their kids to play on.

17. M&M's - "Melts in your mouth, not in your hands"

I'll invite whoever coined this slogan to visit my hometown in humid tropical Singapore and leave one pack of the chocolate in a car parked under the mid-day sun for one hour. This person should stay in the car as well to ensure that the integrity of the experiment is preserved.

18. Disneyland - "Happiest place on earth"

For the parents, it is the Hapless place since birth of their kids now that they are chasing after their sweaty toddlers, feeding them with junk food that come with daylight robbery price-tags.

19. Obsession by Calvin Klein - "Between love and madness lies Obsession"

Looking at the slogan, I always have this notion of two schizo lovers having a fatal attraction where Between stalking and bondage lies a restraining order.

20. IBM  - "Solutions for a small planet"

With the constant sale of their assets as part of their 'strategic realignment', the company could very well be heading for a Dissolution for a small payout.

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