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Monday, 25 August 2014

All in a day's work in Singapore - real-life office stories as told to me (Part 7)

"Work can never be finished. We should always complete what we set out to do. Though both sayings are contradictory, they can be resolved by a third saying: Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." 

"Two pleasant-looking female colleagues were debating the various interpretations of an internal company-wide contest and concluded that the rules are confusing OR they are bimbos. I'm happy to say that they are wrong. The correct conjunction used should be 'AND', not 'OR'."

"Today, I need to cramp two days' work into one. If I can't deliver, it means that I'm inefficient and lack time-management skills. If I somehow make it, then it only gives the impression that I've been slacking all these years. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Or maybe I should just call in sick? Then I'll be labelled as a weakling. Damned again!"

"Common sense dictates that we should always clear the most important or urgent emails, but I always enjoy replying immediately to those without common sense."

"It is the sign of changing times when the first thing my foreign business visitors asked after shaking my hand was not for my name-card, but for the right visitor Wi-Fi network to log in."

" My Untried and Untested Office Survival tips when the Boss is on leave"

1. Email all projects that need your boss's approval and you will be effectively free for the rest of the day, unless if your boss happened to be on-the-ball and replies emails, in which case, you will need to repeat this step until he gets fed-up/ impressed by your 'hard work'.

2. Plan dept or inter-dept lunches so that there will be at least one common gossip agenda item.

3. Make [Alt+Tab] your best friend to switch screen should some idiots turn up at your cubicle and disrupt your full-time Facebooking or doing holiday research. Said idiots are most likely not your colleagues since they will be as busy as you doing the same thing.

4. Learn the delay/scheduled email sending function to give the illusion of your omnipresence at your desk where in fact, you are out for extended brunch cum lunch or gone for the day to catch the 6pm movie.

"My tried and tested tips on surviving happily in the office"

1. While you can steal a peek at your colleagues' screen, don't be a busybody and comment whatever is on their screen, unless initiated by the colleague.

2. If your colleague buy snacks or cheapsake souvenirs from overseas, accept them graciously even if you are faking it.

3. If you are leaving your computer for extended period of time and can't be bothered to lock your screen, at least show your desktop or email programme and not face-palm sites like Facebook or travel sites researching for your next holiday.

4. If you are goofing during working hours by watching YouTube videos or playing online games, don't be an idiot and announce to the whole dept by blasting your speakers.

5. Don't compare salary or working hours. Life is unfair, get over it. You win some, you lose some.

6. Make common enemy from other departments amongst your colleagues, great for bonding.

Click here for more 'All in a day's work in Singapore'


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