Four things I learned from watching the latest Chinese pugilistic period drama (which also works for the entire 'wuxia' 武侠 genre).

1. All sects have healthy cash flow to allow their disciples to spend their days perfecting their martial arts skills. This can only mean they rely on donation or extortion to flourish.

2. All swordspeople are skilled grooming experts. No matter where they might be - either in cross-country pursuit, or marooned on an island, they would always appear well-coiffed with make-up and carry a secret stash of spare clothes to change.

3. Men have long tresses like women. If a man is above 30, he is required to have a moustache and if he is pushing 50, include a beard as well. If he is an octogenarian, when he is sprouting words of wisdom, he will need to stroke his beard as well.

4. For a woman, going under disguise simply means putting on a fake moustache and she will be instantly unrecognisable. For a man, smearing some dirt on your face would do the same trick.

Get flushed in Germany - A visit to the restrooms can be an adventure in itself.

(Photo taken at Munich Marienplatz Neues Rathaus (new town hall)

In most government buildings, pay-per-use public washrooms like these are your best bet. They can be expensive, but they are always clean and well-maintained. I've read that there are locals who would just jump over without paying as a form of protest against the high price. But as a tourist, I would rather abide the law and not risk getting my face splashed on their social media.

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(Photo taken at Munich Central Train Station)

These Rail & Fresh washrooms can be found at most train stations. Entry is at a whopping €1 but you can get a 50-cent voucher in return which you can redeem against your purchase at certain shops located at the station. And in some places, you can also top up your water bottle from their water dispenser and charge your mobile devices from their power outlets. 

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(Photo taken at Paulaner Bräuhaus in Munich)

Apart from the usual 'WC' wordings or the man/woman universal icons, you will get those marked 'Herren' and 'Damen'. And if you try to use your logic thinking to decipher German assuming that 'Damen' should be Gents since there's a 'men' in it, then you are absolutely wrong. This one gives a good crash course to first-timers in Germany while injecting a little evergreen joke at the same time. 

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(Photo taken at Schmalznudel - Cafe Frischhut, Munich)

Taking the next logical step in shortening the words on the door, much to the frustration of tourists, you will get a cryptic 'D' and 'H'. This establishment did a cheeky painting with two little signposts marked 'Damen' and 'Herren', which most tourists in urgent need to relieve themselves would miss.

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(Photo taken at Weihenstephaner restaurant, Berlin)

There are those washrooms with doors plastered in colourful maypole design with the restaurant's name prominently displayed in the middle, leading the unwitting customer to assume that the door leads to the kitchen or VIP dining room at first glance. On closer inspection at the streamers, you will find 'Gents' and 'Ladies' written in several languages and the male and female symbol at the bottom. All vital information hidden in plain sight.

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(Photo taken at Hans im Glück, Munich)

The most head-scratching sign I've seen in a restaurant were these written in a German regional dialect (I think). Thankfully, I've only encountered it once. If you are too shy to ask the service staff which one you should use, you can either wait for a local to enter/exit from either one of the two doors, or if you can't hold it any longer, you still have a 50-50 shot at choosing the right one. Burschn is Gents by the way.

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The following are taken in the Gents

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(Photo taken at Hutt'n Essen & Trinken, Nuremberg)

This is a thoughtful idea of placing the newspaper tabloid section at the urinals for some communal reading of the latest gossips you can piss at.

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(Photo taken at Zum Gulden Stern Historische Bratwurstküche, Nuremberg)

Don't think for one second that the extreme right urinal offered the most privacy. If you are done using it and found the middle urinal in use, you would find yourself in the awkward situation of waiting for the guy to finish his business before you can exit and you wouldn't know where to look!

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Urinal in a stall? WTF? And of all places, this is located at the German Parliament building, Deutscher Bundestag (Reichstag building) in Berlin. Perhaps this is the German way of telling the world that they are very focused in doing only one thing at one time.

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You might be interested to read this:

Five things I learnt in Germany after spending 16 days

Five things I learnt in Germany after spending 16 days

1. Country destroyed due to a ruthless dictator, rebuilt by a resilient populace. And they did a good job restoring dozens of historical buildings back to their former glory before the first bomb was dropped and you can't differentiate the originals from the reconstructions.

2. Since beer can be cheaper than water in restaurants, it is the ideal way to taste the local culture and save money at the same time.

3. All currywurst outlets would say they are the original in some form or another. In a way they are not wrong since they all taste the same.

4. It is wrong to assume that Germans are rude. If they (especially the older folks) can only converse in German, it is tough for them to strike up any decent conversations with foreign visitors. I had the most interesting conversation with a friendly English-speaking retired tax officer in a beer house, while an old couple spoke animatedly in German in a restaurant about how delicious the sausage was and I didn't understand a single word.

5. German punctuality is a myth. While trains do arrive on time, my Lufthansa flight from Berlin to Munich was delayed since dozens of passengers have yet to clear security screening ten minutes prior to take off.

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 You might be interested to read this:
Get flushed in Germany - A visit to the restrooms can be an adventure in itself.

Religion

Some people may not realise that I am a deeply religious man. Each week I join my fellow brothers and sisters to sing praise to the source of our eternal happiness. And I proudly wear my badge of solidarity across my chest for everyone to see. Yes- my religion is football. I spend my weekends watching live matches and I own far too many jerseys than I would like to admit.

Merry Xmas...oh crap

Giving Xmas presents is like shitting. It takes some effort for people to get it out in a day or a few. And once it leaves you, you don't talk about it at all, to anyone, ever, unless people talked to you about it first.

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Tis the season when you will love and quickly hate the sound of sleigh bells everywhere and in your head.

Synchronised swimming

Synchronised swimming should be re-categorised under Performance Gymnastics rather than Swimming with the 'aquatic dancers' flashing their mega-watt smiles while other athletes can only muster constipated frowns and animal grunts. Since their training also involve the eye-catching application of waterproof make-up, the final score should also reflect it.

Ravens are good

I would love to live in the Game of Thrones universe. Their raven message delivery system span vast swathes of land but still reach their intended recipients all the time - sealed and secured. Your email sent at light speed, to another colleague located a few feet away, would probably sit in the inbox till winter has come.

May the Fourth...well, you know the rest.

Tight butts

Wife: Do we have tight butts?
Me: Not sure about you, but I confirmed have.
W: Why can't I have yours?
M: Not easy, must work on it.
W: I can just buy what!
M: You very rich and lazy.
W: What you talking? Can get very easy in shopping mall, Chinatown might even be cheaper.

(That's when I realised she is asking about Thai Baht and not tight butts.)

The dark side

There are seedy places here that the powers that be, would rather they remain in the dark, literally. Whenever I have my primal needs in the wee hours, I would try to fight my urges so as to avoid the unsavory characters that rule the night. So instead of going to the kitchen for water at midnight and come face to face with lizards and roaches, I've placed a glass next to my bed before I sleep.