Public service announcement

There are lots of people who look perfectly normal on the outside but are actually quite crazy. If you have the misfortune to meet one, just keep calm and agree with whatever they write on their blog like the one you are reading now.

Thank you for reading this

A little project I started in 2014 on a whim has reached a big milestone, at least for me. This blog has garnered more than 100,000 page views since its inception. I'm glad that there are people around the world who like my brand of satire. Since you are one of them reading this now, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Need to change my bad habit of easily getting distra

This Singapore nerd's musings on himself (part 11 -photo journal)

Just saying. Since these handsome dudes are listed as identical, this newspaper can just put one photo and list the other 2 bros as 'same as above'.

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Two cute mice frolicking in a bed of warm cheese

oh wait... rats!

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It is the time of the year for my company's annual performance review where everyone hopes to have a fatter wallet and a higher pay grade. For me, the most likely chance of getting a promotion is this one offered by the supermarket.

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Isn't my tin box of cables just like our lives? We present a nice package on the outside to the world as we accumulate entanglements through the years and become more connected to people and things. Sooner or later, something's gotta give. It is either your sanity or your time or both. For me, anything more than the fingers you have are too much for anyone to grasp in life.

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In this advertising spread on pre-school education, it is understandable that caring nurturing women teachers are featured instead of creepy men. But even the kids featured are adorable girls and no naughty boys in sight. Looks like we men don't make good teachers or students. And that leaves us to be good fathers and lovers. And if we can't even do that, then we are really good for nothing.

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Some might be surprised to learn that this pic is actually cropped from the cover pic of Korea's sexiest new girl group Stellar's latest mini-album, which illustrates once and for all, that music transcends language. This and most K-Pop girl acts have the knack of getting the heart racing even before they open their mouths. I wonder why.

More musings on myself. 

Happy V Day....meh

Shopping malls have been blaring Lunar New Year ditties ad nauseam for the past 1 month. I hope the smart ones can quickly switch their playlist to love ballads in time for Valentine's Day this Sunday. Wholesome songs of yesteryears like Bump 'n' Grind (R Kelly), I'll Make Love To You (Boyz II Men), and Sweat A La La La Long (Inner Circle) would surely send heartbeats soaring, and our government happy 9 months later.

Happy 2016 Lunar New Year....meh

Everyone knows I'm a straight talker so I wouldn't bore you with any auspicious greetings this Lunar New Year. So for 2016, I hope everyone will LOSE big time...on your weight; CRY a lot...with tears of joy; and HURT badly...at your belly from laughing too much.

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A friendly reminder for those giving out red packets to give out those with monkey motifs first. If not, you would have to wait 12 years later to use them. Similarly, if you are the hoarder, it is time to dig up those retro primates you kept since 2004.  Your impish nephew couldn't care less since he would be more interested in what's inside the monkey than how it looks.

69

Just two weeks into the new year and it is already shaping up as an eventful year for those aged 69. Two left this world- David Bowie and Alan Rickman; one on top of the world - Sylvester Stallone winning his first-ever Golden Globe. The question is - will this idiot destroy the world - Donald Trump?

Happy new whatever

At my age, it is 10..9...8.... zzz
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You wouldn't find me posting new year resolutions here which I would then procrastinate for the next 3 months. I'm already doing that everyday. In fact, I intended to post this last year this time and only get around doing it now.

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Winston says 'Have clean office mug, will have stain-free life in new year'. (This explains why I'm scrubbing like mad now).
 

Yuletide greetings....right

My only wish for this Christmas is a good pair of earphones... so that I can shut out the !@#$% Christmas carols that are being played everywhere, including my office. Before we can wish for world peace, let me have some inner peace first.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - My hazy post (updated 19 Oct)

Haze haze, Go away
Come again? Someone will pay!

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Any smart Singaporean will look beyond the haze situation and see something positive. I tried doing that and I'm positive that the only thing I see is just more haze.

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I think it is fair to say that all Singaporeans would have experienced our local version of '50 shades of grey' from the haze from the past two months and counting. Similar to those who have watched the erotic movie, Singaporeans are left gasping for air at the horror they have witnessed, and hoping to sue the perpetrators for the anguish they have suffered.

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Halloween 2015: Most common fashion accessory- a N95 face mask. Most scary costume - Indonesian palm plantation owner with a lighted match in one hand and a bottle of palm oil in the other.

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 PSI says 80, but looks like 100, smells like 150 and yet my body feels like 50. WTF! Which sense should I trust before I go for my run? I'll rely on my common sense....and be a couch potato instead.

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Note to self when wearing face-mask :
1. Don't stick your tongue out and taste the face-mask. It is not food. Bad tongue. Serve you right.
2. You already had lunch. Don't burp into the mask and re-sample what you ate. Stupid tummy.
3. Don't wipe your face or mouth with face-mask. It is not a tissue-paper.

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I'm not able to admire the dolled-up office ladies each morning on my way to work now that they have an additional fashion accessory of a face-mask. But it is surprising to note that with only the peepers in view, it is still possible to distinguish the babes from the non-babes.

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Though schools are closed today (25 Sep), adults will still dutifully report for work so as to use the office aircon and charge their electronic devices and powerbanks. And thus smart employers should allow their staff to work from home. Have I ever told you that I have a clever boss?

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 Nothing like a hint of blue sky to chase the blues away. Let's keep it up, or rather, the PSI down. And if all goes well, the only burnt smell Singapore gets over the weekend will be concentrated at the Marina Bay area from the tyres of 20 F1 cars.

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Rare local sights: 1. An llao llao outlet with no queue. 2. Tech shows with no credit card booths. 3. A train with no one playing Candy Crush. 4. Blue sky.

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I can see immediate effect of the haze on my health. Since I'm forced to stay indoors, I had to forego my evening runs. And I end up exercising my mouth muscles from nibbling on junk food while watching Netflix. I think I would be healthier outdoors with the haze than indoors.

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latest scoreline:
Haze 1- Thunderstorm 0
Constant clicking on 'Refresh' button 1 - NEA Haze microsite 0  (the site crashed)

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 Urgent need of Graphic Designer to manipulate the picture I see out of my window. Need to import white clouds, enhance blue sky and delete the f**king haze! I don't need to see 50 shades of grey!

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Desperate times call for desperate measures. During this hazy period, we should maintain our last line of natural air filtration and let our nose hair grow and flourish. Health is more important than committing social faux pas.