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1. Porn : there are loads of online sexperts providing an excellent hand-y job in this area already.   2. Personal porn : you can hav...

Monday 23 June 2014

Off to the Big Apple



This Singapore nerd is going for a 10-day Manhattan walkabout on 25 June. Hence I'm consolidating all my replies here to my friends to save time rather than replying individually. Please read only the one that I'm writing to you and ignore the rest:
- luv u♥
- f**k u!
- let's get down and work on the proposal
- let's get down and dirty!
- so sorry for delaying your deadline
- you better be sorry or you're dead!
- is this the best that you can do?
- keep in touch, all the best.

I'm so hot!

(Work-in-progress post)

Living in this little red dot in summertime, there are few two words that will strike fear in the hearts of the common folks, like "train down", "economy down" , and most recently "TV down" for the World Cup-crazy nation. But everyone will agree that my recent suffering in office was literally hell on earth when it was "air-con down".
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It is so hot these days, that the ice-cream I'm eating feels warm. The country would be even hotter if not for the Singapore icy service level that sends a chill down everyone's spine.
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Sunday 22 June 2014

More on World Cup



This ad featuring World Cup hot favourites is fast becoming outdated just 10 days into this amazing tournament even before you can say 'tiki-taka'. Half of the teams here are on their early flight home. History will really be made if the eventual winner is not any of those teams which already have at least one star above their crests. Go Oranje!

Looking at the heroics of the World Cup teams, it make me wanna join them on the pitch and bring a smile to the millions of fans around the world. As a good sprinter, I can be a medic or physio rushing to where I'm needed, but I think my best option is to be a streaker.
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With the last 16 teams emerging at the World Cup Finals, we have now entered what I'd call the Game Of Thrones stage. This is where the hot fan favourite 'House' which survived all previous battles will fall at the last minute by a single controversial goal scored by an unmarked assassin. And it is anybody's guess which House will sit on the Iron Throne since there's no guarantee of a happy ending. The excitement and suspense are what make this The Beautiful Game.
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Monday 16 June 2014

On World Cup (soccer, not football)

The World Cup opening animation sequence is rather amusing. While I can accept that these people were watching an old school 4:3 TV in 2014 without any power cable, this guy came and knocked over the poor TV set and nobody noticed it. Since it is a magical TV, I'm sure it will be fine.


After watching all the World Cup teams in action, I'm now a fan of this great outfit that commands respect and strikes fear on the pitch. Though they are most often older than the other players, they have superb stamina and are shrewd enough to see past the theatrics of play-acting. So why can't I find a single referee jersey in the stores to show my support?
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It surely is a visual treat this World Cup season with an explosion of colours and hues on the pitch and I'm not talking about the players' jersey. While the sky is the limit on any creative design, each country is compel to use only their official colours since time immemorial for fear of incurring the wrath of their rabid supporters. Ironically, it is now the referee's time to shed their drab black uniform and embrace the rainbow like a kid in a candy shop.
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For the World Cup Final, I can predict with confidence that it will be a fight between these two juggernauts yet again: adidas and Nike, with the former having home ground advantage being the official sponsor. And the winner will be....FIFA! Laughing all the way to the bank.
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Watching a World Cup match is tedious trying to fix my eyes on the smallest round object on the screen which is constantly moving. Instead, I subliminally wants to fly Emirates to Brazil so that I can drive a Hyundai to buy a Sony 4K TV and watch soccer while drinking Budweiser beer. And of course I'll go all in or nothing and pay using my Visa. I'm lovin' it!
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I admire my Dad's blasé attitude to watching repeat telecast of World Cup matches. Despite knowing the scoreline, he would cheer and jeer as if it is a live match, and in most cases, managed to hoodwink my non-fan Mum into believing so. Feigned ignorance is bliss.
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(Previously published)

This World Cup season is perhaps the only time we wouldn't be labelled as unpatriotic fools donning other countries' colours with matching face-paint, especially where there are money to be made in betting the right team. We would just be called fools waking up at 3am (Singapore time) watching millionaires prancing at half-completed stadiums in a third-world country. The only legitimate thing to do at 3am is to pee, then go back to sleep.
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I would like to join a non-government, non-profit organisation that will have global impact with their wealth of history and enrich my life. The closest I can find is soccer body FIFA. Rather than a wealth of history, it has a wealth of $1billion in reserve; and rather than enrich my life, it sure can enrich my bank account since countries will clamour to wine and dine me to clinch their rights to host the next World Cup. And it definitely has global impact milking from the millions who made Soccer their religion. The Beautiful Game is played by men in suits at boardrooms and corridors of power, with the winners determined even before the ball is kicked on the pitch. Where do I sign up?



More musings on World Cup:
http://winstonchongsingapore.blogspot.sg/2014/06/more-on-world-cup_22.html 

More musings on soccer:

Thursday 12 June 2014

On World Cup and Reunions


World Cup


This World Cup season is perhaps the only time we wouldn't be labelled as unpatriotic fools donning other countries' colours with matching face-paint, especially where there are money to be made in betting the right team. We would just be called fools waking up at 3am (Singapore time) watching millionaires prancing at half-completed stadiums in a third-world country. The only legitimate thing to do at 3am is to pee, then go back to sleep.
*****

I would like to join a non-government, non-profit organisation that will have global impact with their wealth of history and enrich my life. The closest I can find is soccer body FIFA. Rather than a wealth of history, it has a wealth of $1billion in reserve; and rather than enrich my life, it sure can enrich my bank account since countries will clamour to wine and dine me to clinch their rights to host the next World Cup. And it definitely has global impact milking from the millions who made Soccer their religion. The Beautiful Game is played by men in suits at boardrooms and corridors of power, with the winners determined even before the ball is kicked on the pitch. Where do I sign up?

More musings on soccer:
http://winstonchongsingapore.blogspot.sg/2014/02/musings-on-soccer-english-game-not.html

 

Reunions


It was great to meet up with my ex-colleagues for tea where most of the alumni brought their kids along. I don't think I'm ready to be a father when one mother used the same words to her toddler as how my wife would to me: "Sit properly!", "Don't talk with your mouth full!", "Stop crying!"
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A balloon is cute and cheery and yet an former university classmate whom I've not met in 10 years inflicted me with much pain and sorrow by using it as a verb on me. So now I've resolved not to attend anymore school reunions. And if you are one of those who have lost touch, yes, that was NOT me that you saw on the street the other day. And yes, now I hate balloons.
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Muffin is one of the most-loved pastry and I would be delighted to be associated with any words related to it like stud-muffin. So naturally I'm ecstatic when someone mentioned that I'm a great muffin top since it s the tastiest part with the crunchy crust and toppings.
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A close colleague mentioned that at a ripe old age of 40, I'm no longer a spring chicken. While I agree I may not possess the heaven-may-care youthful exuberance, I hope that this old rooster would have gained much worldliness and perseverance that rival the proverbial cockroach that refuse to die.



Monday 9 June 2014

All in a day's work in Singapore - real-life office stories as told to me (Part 5)

"I'm bemused by my CEO's choice of a bat as his Line profile picture. Does he wish to have good fortune as how this creature symbolises in Chinese culture? Or is he running the company like Wayne Enterprises, fighting evil forces? If so, maybe I should change my profile pic to a robin so that he will get the hint."
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"The marvel of the telephone allows people across vast distance to touch each other. So far yet so near. But for my two co-workers seated a mere 5 metres apart, rather than a friendly shout or a face-to-face chat, the use of a phone-call exposes the wide gulf between the two, So near yet so far."
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"I've tried to arrange for a meeting with a Gen-Y colleague via email, Lync, SMS, Whatsapp and Line for an entire week and received the Silent Treatment without even a simple "will reply you". The ONLY situation you can give a co-worker the Silent Treatment is when you are dead. If not, once I get my hands on you, you'd wish you were."
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"Initially I thought my Gen-Y intern is more smart-alec than smart, which can still be a virtue in the creative industry. But after much observation, I discovered that there's more than meets the eye. I'll just call him Alec from now on."
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"While it is true that you are only as strong as the weakest link in your team and as fast as the slowest member in your department, it is entirely up to you to make the best or worst of your time spent in the company."
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"Let's face it. In a working environment, you don't need to kowtow to your f**kface boss or your obnoxious colleague with the in-your-face attitude. Give face to each other and resolve all misunderstandings face-to-face so nobody need to lose face. Most importantly, don't wash your office dirty laundry on Facebook!"


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