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1. Porn : there are loads of online sexperts providing an excellent hand-y job in this area already.   2. Personal porn : you can hav...

Friday, 24 February 2017

96 hours

With perseverance and patience, great things can happen to anyone. After 96 hours of anguish, I finally receive my reward - Friday is here.



Tuesday, 10 January 2017

Fowl Play

The best Year of the Rooster ad campaigns should showcase something more palatable rather than huggable. Instead of cute chick plushies, think roast chicken. Aren't we taught not to play with our food?

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In the Year of the Rooster, I hope people will talk fewer cocks, engage in lesser fowl play and may we finally discover why it crossed the road.



Sunday, 1 January 2017

Happy fucking new year

For something already bad, adding more will only make it worse. Just remember that 2017 is 2016 plus 1.

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Five things I've learnt during the 10-day Osaka-Kyoto trip:


1. You can still get food poisoning in a First World country like Japan if you are unlucky like me. Thus it is imperative to have insurance coverage and a flexible itinerary to make last-minute changes. 

2. All shopping malls and shops seemed to be using the same English CD of Xmas songs this December and I've heard the same Beatles Xmas song more than I can remember.

3. Osaka (and I believe the entire Japan consists of 2 worlds: above ground and underground. Not only can you go anywhere via the extensive underground train network, it is also possible to live your entire life not seeing the sun since everything under the sun is available under the ground.

4. We have all heard the saying that there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. I observed that all young Japanese girls are very hardworking following the same template and thus appearing alike...not that I'm complaining.

5. F&B establishments cater to smokers and/or non-smokers But I don't think anyone has looked into the health effects of secondhand smoke on the poor non-smoking wait staff.

Monday, 21 November 2016

Winston's running equation

weekend long run + chips binge = happiness
Happiness + guilt = Monday evening run 




Thursday, 8 September 2016

Bitchy whore

Filipino president Duterte scolded his American counterpart Obama using the Tagalog expression "putang ina" which can mean "son of a whore" or "son of a bitch". To me, these two words are never interchangeable. If you are dealing with a whore, you are looking for a good time; pay to drop your pants and will always get a happy ending. If you have a bitch on your hand, there's never a good time; pray you wouldn't lose your pants, and you'd be happy when it all ends.


Saturday, 13 August 2016

5039



Let me predict what would happen from Joseph Schooling's historic Olympics gold medal win in 100m Butterfly event:
1. 5039 (timing of 50.39sec) will be the hottest 4D number and Joseph's latest tattoo.
2. The 50.39sec clip will be played 5,039 times per hour for the next 5.039 days.
3. Singapore's first Olympics silver medalist weightlifter Tan Howe Liang will heave a sigh of relief lasting 50.39sec when the media can finally leave him alone every 4 years for interviews.



Thursday, 11 August 2016

Pokemon Oh!

There are 2 groups of people in the world now: Pokemon Go and Pokemon Go-To-Hell.

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Nine out of 10 teenagers standing in the middle of nowhere swiping their phones are playing Pokemon Go. The solitary teen is busy downloading the game.


                                                                        *****

On Pokemon Go I attained the highest level of enlightenment and ultimate power by performing the following function no players have ever done before! Click on the app> drag to uninstall> press 'OK'.