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1. Porn : there are loads of online sexperts providing an excellent hand-y job in this area already.   2. Personal porn : you can hav...

Saturday, 31 May 2014

This nerd's musings on himself (part 2)

Just watched two recent summer blockbusters X-Men Days of Future Past and Edge of Tomorrow which feature time travel that will mess up your head with the various paradoxes that it create. I too, can time travel into the future. If you wanna know what happens 1 hour from now, I'll tell you in 60mins time. Wanna travel back in time? Just look into my wardrobe.

With my idol Ryan Giggs retiring from professional soccer from my beloved Manchester United, I have no more sporting heroes left for me to worship. I need a new team that exude great teamwork, grace and colourful characters with great physique. The Russian Women Synchronised Swimming team fits the bill...swimmingly.

I am ashamed to say that I have been unfaithful recently. I was bored with my life so I tried something new and exotic. But after I gave in to my primal lust, it didn't last long to realise that they were just flings and didn't excite me like my true love who is able to keep me up all night. So no more English Breakfast Tea or Chai Latte, my heart belongs to Earl Grey.

Someone has threatened to upload lewd picture of me online but I think I can resolve this peacefully. Hence I've decided not to teach my mum how to set up a Facebook account so that my toddler photo of me peeing at Chinese Garden will never see the light of day.

Should you ever be jolted wide awake screaming your lungs out early morning by a lizard, please forgive it for being a dumb creature looking for food at all the weird places like the toilet and shoe cabinet. They were not allowed to venture in the kitchen as agreed in the negotiation meeting with the Cockroaches which I attended as Observer.

The award-winning theme song from the award-winning animation Frozen is a great inspirational song for all occasions. Especially now during my troubled time sitting alone on my throne when things don't go smoothly. I just sing in my head "Let it go, let it go, Can't hold it back anymore".

More musings on myself. 

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

All in a day's work in Singapore - real-life office stories as told to me (master post)

 Part 9

Part 8

Part 7

Part 6

Part 5

Part 4

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

All in a day's work in Singapore - real-life office stories as told to me (Part 4)

I organised a morning workshop for 35 male students aged 15-16, who descended upon the tea snack area like ravenous locusts and left nothing behind. Even though I have ordered extra portions, filling the stomachs of growing teenagers is a futile exercise nobody should ever attempt.

Saw the dagger clipped to the calendar next to the rear-view mirror of my company bus which is also used for ferrying actors and crew to filming locations. Pretty sure the weapon is not for self-defence for the driver against stressed-out violent directors. Most likely it is a handy tool for prima donna actresses to back-stab one another.


"shorthand reply to answer inquisitive cleaning ladies should you ever go to work earlier than usual for whatever reasons. This "meeting" will be understood immediately and you can be on your way to whatever stupid shit work that require you to wake up so damn early."

Work-Life Balance:
"As long as you finished all the work assigned to you on time, your boss' life will be balanced."

Actual conversations in meetings somewhere in Singapore:

(Looking at the yearly expenditure report)
Boss: what do these freelancers do?
Admin staff: Freelancing

(Proposal on new facilities)
Boss: what's the purpose of this Relaxation Corner?
Staff: For employees to relax.


"After years of working in the same company, I discover that the top 3 tips to a long and successful career are still: location, location, and location. Once you are summoned, it is important that you arrive as quickly as possible to prevent any aggravation from impatient and unreasonable forces that will put a dampener to the rest of your day even if you arrive just one minute late. Hence I'm happy my cubicle is situated less than 10 metres to the restroom, so when nature calls, I would gladly answer without delay!"


"Just had a chat with a pretty English newscaster and realised she doesn't know what a powerbank is and I didn't have the heart to tell her I have three pieces. Does this mean I'm overqualified to be a newscaster?"

"During a discussion on an upcoming team-building event, a nervous team leader hopes that the members would be pleasing to the eye, but I caution that 'good to see' would not be 'good to eat' - according to a well-known Chinese phrase 好看不好吃. I'm sorry, I shouldn't stereotype. There are also those lousy workers who are aesthetically-challenged."


Click here for more 'All in a day's work in Singapore'

Sunday, 11 May 2014

A Singapore nerd's musings on himself (Part 1)

 Savvy manufacturers give their health drink bottles a svelte hourglass look to con impressionable consumers into believing that they would spot the same silhouette after downing litres of their products. I'm more rational in thinking that my shape will remain like the bottle at the extreme right.

When I was young, my mum told me I'm destined for greatness. In later years, I did achieve a larger-than-life stature, but only in my mid-section.

 I’m at the stage of my life where I might be hit with a Mid-Life Crisis and the proverbial 7-yr itch. But now I’m more concerned about my Mid-Section Crisis and how to lose that 7-kg bitch! 

I don't believe in fairies, karma, superstition and reincarnation. Wow! I'm so boring! Hope I'll be a swashbuckler in my next life fighting sea monsters and saving damsels in distress and live happily ever after. 

Life is a theatre: I act tough when my boss is around; act innocent when I'm caught 'stumbling' onto an adult website; and act cute in front of my wife. We should just stop our acts altogether and live true to ourselves. It's easy for me, I'll just act blur from now on. 


Whether I'm at work or at home like today clearing my leave, my morning routine of drinking my white coffee while staring at my computer screen remains the same. The only difference is the amount of clothes I'm wearing.


Those who know my family would know that my sister and I look alike. So I guess I'll know how I look like with make-up and how my sis will look like without.


I had the most amazing police escape dream that featured the best clichés from Hollywood flicks. 1) Why the protagonist(that's me) is a wanted man is not important. 2) How the hero is able escape the multiple police traps and pursuits is beyond logic, and yet still managed to rendezvous with the girl. 3) Badly edited jump cuts and glaring plot holes. 4)The hero is saved by the alarm bell during the cliffhanger, which means there will be a sequel.


I was driving the car and someone farted. I wanted to scold but I was trying hard to hold my breath. Since only the stuffed bear was in the car with me, it had to be the culprit. And because the furry bugger is so cute, I've forgiven him. 


Blue: How I'm feeling this week
Black: The colour of my face
Blue-black: My present to those who piss me off this week
Just kidding! I'll give my present to all my friends. I shouldn't discriminate.


More musings on myself.